Love Languages

I have not written much about the parenting struggles we have faced over the past several months.  About halfway through my pregnancy we started to notice a change in Zeke.  He was not the go with the flow, easy little boy he had been since birth.  He became very opinionated and STRONG willed! 

My mom kindly reminded me that I was a STRONG willed little girl.  Gregg's mom told us the story of Gregg literally running out of his kindergarten class the first day of school and climbing up a tree...seriously!  It made the local papers!  So, we are dealing with two strong willed parents.  Why was I surprised that Zeke was suddenly forming his own opinions? 

I sought out advice from mommy friends who were in the same situation or who had been there several years before.  I asked my contact (mentor) mom, Julie, for the book "Growing Kids God's Way."  They all had wonderful advice and offered support, but nothing was changing. 

Julie suggested that the issue seemed to be that he was not getting the attention and love that he needed.  He was acting out in different ways, but that seemed to be the core problem.  She said she needed time to pray about it and would get back to me with some advice. 

It broke my heart to think that he did not feel loved.  I had been trying hard to give him extra attention and quality time.  I remembered "The Five Love Languages" book and how much it helped Gregg and me to show each other love.  Years ago, we learned that I like to receive love through acts of service and he feels loved most through words of affirmation.

I wondered what Zeke's was and thought I'd remembered there being a Love Languages book for children (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resource/the-five-love-languages-of-children/). 

There was...so I downloaded it and began reading.  The second chapter teaches about the language of physical touch.  As I read it, I began to wonder if Zeke's primary love language is physical touch.  The authors say you can't tell until they are 5 years old, but it seemed to describe Zeke perfectly.

I decided to do a little experiment.  Over the next several days I just showered him with hugs, kisses, high fives, back rubs, etc.  It only took half of the first day to see a HUGE difference!  He seemed much more content, was not acting out, and was much more obedient. 

The pattern has continued over the last several days.  He is not perfect, he is human with a sin nature, after all, but the change has been dramatic. 

I was trying so hard to do "the right thing" as a parent, and I think I failed to truly seek God about what to do.  When my heart was broken, and I was at my whits ends, I FINALLY surrendered it to God.  He quickly provided me with a great resource through that book to show me what to do.

Zeke reminded me that all anybody really wants is to be loved.  God tells us in 1 John 4:8, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."  I had become so focused on my needs being pregnant, then Adalynn's needs as a newborn that I had failed to show my son love in a way he needed to receive it. 

Of course it would be nice to have a child that obeys well for convenience sake, but the reason I should desire for him to obey is because he loves God.  It is our job as his parents to model that love above all else. 

Yes, discipline is necessary.  Proverbs 29:17 tells us, "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart."  Proverbs 13:24 says, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."

But, when my own selfish desires and needs come before the needs of my children, I am not loving them with the selfless love that God gives us.  I know I will never be a perfect parent (that doesn't exist on this side of Heaven), but I am thankful for the lessons God teaches me along the way and the people He has put in my life to encourage me and hold me accountable.  I am thankful for a godly, loving, supportive husband too.  God is so good!