Over the past several months the Lord has done a work in my heart. I was desiring to know Him more and felt like I wasn't hearing Him. He placed it on my heart to make some changes in our home. We got rid of the wireless network and moved our laptops upstairs. I committed to only log onto the computer during Zeke's nap time (like right now!) or for a few minutes in the evening if something was pressing.
As a result, I have felt pure freedom. I don't feel the pull to check my email multiple times per day. I'm not on Facebook as much, which has enriched the relationships of those who I actually see or talk to each day. I find that I'm able to accomplish so many more of the daily tasks I want to complete. Zeke has my full attention when we are playing and won't have to grow up with a mommy glued to a screen all of the time. I've also noticed that Gregg and I have had more quality time together in the evenings. Even if we just watch a television show together or read alongside one another, it seems we are both more in tune.
The Lord has also convicted me of my unhealthy focus on myself and constant thoughts about having another baby. They always say the best way to step outside of yourself is to do something for someone else. I debated whether I should even write this here because I don't want it to sound like it's anything I've done.
I don't want to boast...about myself. I want to boast....about God! He led me to organize a fellowship of the ladies in my neighborhood to discuss starting a Bible study. I didn't know much about these ladies, aside from their names. We live in a small neighborhood of thirteen homes. I put fliers in their mailboxes and waited for their replies. I heard from two ladies the first day, and that was it. I finally called the women the night before the fellowship and one other lady said she would be there.
Wow, did God go above and beyond (as He always does)! Those three women were each interested in attending the study. They each longed for something like this for various reasons, in addition to desiring a sense of community. We get to have both. We get to grow in God's Word together and get to know each other. We begin a four week study on July 10 and one of the ladies already asked me what we would study next! God is so good!
Now many of you know Gregg and I have desired to have another child. I took a pregnancy test on Monday, June 18th, which was negative. God really gave me a peace about the negative test result. I had written the following in my journal prior to that on June 14, 2012:
"God, please help me to abide in you no matter what my circumstances. I want to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and really surrender my worries. Thank you for these truths."
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. ~ John 15:4
...,casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:5
I truly was praising Him for this new opportunity with the women in my neighborhood, in addition to the extra time Zeke and I will have together as Mommy and only son. I was praising Him in this circumstance of not being pregnant and He was blessing me through His Word, Gregg, Zeke, my mom, Christy, Dena, Teresa, and the women in my group.
This morning (June 20th), I woke up feeling nauseous. I decided to go ahead and take another pregnancy test just to be sure. To my GREAT surprise, it was positive!!! Gregg and I are expecting another baby somewhere near the end of February 2013!
God brought me to a place of total peace and trust in His plan before he allowed me to see the positive test result. I was pregnant that whole time, but I wasn't ready for the news until today. I know the result could have been different this time, and I would have (and was) okay with that. I was able to focus fully on getting to know the ladies last night before finding out the exciting news today.
I am beyond thrilled, though, that God is knitting together our precious second child in my womb. I praise Him because this child is fearfully and wonderfully made.
Your prayers would mean the world to us right now. We have to deal with decisions about treatment options for my thyroid and blood sugar. We want to be wise and protect this child as much as we can, but also trust that God loves him or her even more than we do.
Praise God!
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Happy Father's Day, by the way! Here are a few of our photos from Father's Day 2012:
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